Lack of Anger Management

Children nowadays are habituated to throw tantrums at the drop of a hat. For parents, it is hard to reason with their children in moments of desperate chaos when they throw a fit in the grocery store over something seemingly trivial to an adult's eye.

This display of irresponsible behaviour and incompliance is, nevertheless, quite normal because children do not have the capacity to reason at parents’ levels. So they fuss and pester parents for any object that catches their fancy.

Uncontrolled fits of anger among children, however, can sometimes lead to destructive behaviour such as breaking up of pencil boxes or even electronic appliances. Such destructive behaviour can reach to the extent of children harming themselves or their parents. Lack of anger management among children annoys parents and teachers alike and should be dealt with by teaching children self-discipline.
 

• Children display irresponsible behaviour when they are denied something they want.
• Parents usually refuse to buy things which they think are trite or trivial.
• Anger of children reaches abnormal heights such as tearing at books or breaking up electronic appliances.
• Children start harming themselves or even their parents.

Want of discipline and restraint among parents is the most important cause of lack of anger management among children. Children inherently imitate the impulsive responses of their parents to common issues over similar situations. These internalised messages manifest in the form of anger among children. Heredity too has a small role to play in the lack of anger management among children.

Angry feelings are normal emotional reactions to daily stresses in our lives. The goal as parents, therefore, should not be to completely stop the angry emotion but to teach their children proper coping mechanisms so that they do not express these feelings in an uncontrollable manner. By ushering in a change in their ways of dealing with their children, parents can play a major role in reducing anger.

Avoid blowing up in fits of rage in front of your children. Following the parents’ angry manifestations, children are tempted to learn to use anger as a coping mechanism for similar situations in their lives.

Teach empathy and tolerance to children so that they understand the feelings of others and deal better with disagreements with other children and elders.

Yelling at angry children to control themselves will only increase the intensity of their outburst. Therefore, remain calm yourself to assist the children in overcoming anger.
Teach children to use positive self-talk to stay in control. For example, children can learn to say affirmations such as “I am a cool guy”, “I am in control”, or “I can handle this” during situations inviting anger. The more you practise these with them the more likely they will use it during an anger-driven situation.

Teach them Pranayama (deep breathing) and meditation. During an angry episode, our breathing gets quicker and shorter. By learning Pranayama and meditation, children can handle their breathing and thereby manage anger-provoking situations better.

Different children respond to different triggers that cause anger. These may vary from frustrations over homework to bullying at school. Identify these anger triggers for your child and talk about solutions that are more appropriate to the problem situations. Parents can even rehearse the scenario by role-playing.

Identifying the warning signs when anger starts to arise also helps. Some examples of signs could be talking louder, heart pounding, face getting red, clenching fists, or breathing faster. Once the signs are identified, start pointing them out when children show signs of getting upset. This self-awareness will snap the children back into reality and help them manage anger before it is out of control.

In case you have tried all the above and still have doubts on lack of anger management in your children, you can ask for a practical solution from Jiva. Jiva makes use of the know-how of its expert educationists and the wisdom from Ayurveda to provide you consultation for this kind of problem. Please feel free to contact Jiva at 0129-4088152 or write to us at asksteve@jiva.com. We will try our best to give a solution to your child’s problem with our expertise.


 

Back